(crazy photo of me and Wyeth by my dad)
You may have heard a mom say, like she would say she was eating lunch later, “I’m a bad mom.” I know I heard it lots even before I became a mother. It’s something I didn’t understand until Wyeth was about 3 months and went through a period of time where we could not get him to sleep in less than three hours of screaming and crying. Nobody was sleeping well. I read a bunch of sleep books all of which I will happily throw into a bonfire because they made me feel like a bad mom because my baby wasn’t sleeping and I was screwing up his sleep for his entire life. That’s a heavy burden for a sleep-deprived hormone-crazed new mother, let alone a normal person. At that point in time I know I said to myself, “I’m a bad mom.” It just made me feel more guilty than I already did.
Don’t worry, I totally got over it. The baby started sleeping better and as a result, so did I. My logic returned. Sanity! But that nagging idea of being a bad mom stayed. What is up with that? It’s such an intense judgement on oneself. It’s heavier than saying “I’m a bad person.” It’s saying “I’m more than a bad person because my mistakes (or my child’s mistakes) have negative consequences on another person therefore I suck worse than anyone else.”
Now some people say it like it ain’t no thing. To you, I say, cut it out! Stop with the excess guilt and shame! Because you know what, you’re trying. I’m trying. Bad decisions are made. Mistakes are simply mistakes. You screw up and so does your kid, so did your parents and their parents. I made bad decisions and mistakes all over the place before I had a kid, and I’m going to continue to do so because I’m human, I’m complicated and I’m imperfect.
Sorry if this is a little ranty, but this has been on my mind a lot. Parenting is so hard (and good, too!). Everybody does it differently and there’s an incredible amount of judgement coming from every corner as well as inwardly. I really feel one of the best things to do is to encourage each other.
No more bad moms!
Ok. I’ll keep it here for now… I did end up deleting my flickr account since I pretty much never use it. My older posts were linked to photos from flickr and are now sadly blank. Oh well! I’m looking for an easier blogger as I’m using wordpress and it’s so clunky, takes forever to do anything.
I’m taking Floral Arranging right now and love it! It’s such a challenge and the videos and instruction are great. I highly recommend it if you want to learn more about floral arranging and how to handle flowers. As you know, I love flowers. A lot. I’m happy I get to go out and buy flowers every week for my homework. It’s the best. Wyeth helped me choose some flowers at the grocery. We went to four grocery stores! New Seasons (local chain) has the best selection, but pricey. I go there for the special additions.
I’ve been making a lot of things and moving a lot of furniture. I pretty much rearranged half the house twice in the past few months. Chris asked that we stop moving furniture. It’s fun to have a non crafty project. Especially since I’m trying to give my wrists a rest (I’ve had a lot of wrist pain / cortisone shot). But I’m still working on knitting and a twin size quilt that I’ve been hand quilting for like two years.
It’s been a huge challenge learning to time manage. I think about it all the time. What is more important? What do I want to spend my time on? Is it worth it? Especially during the day because Wyeth naps for about 45 minutes at a time. Not much time to get anything but chores finished, and too short a time to start a project. I’m learning to find creativity in unexpected places. Probably why I’ve been moving furniture!
Every year I decide to delete my blog.
I might just do it this year. I go through all these questions in my head about why am I blogging, what does it matter, is it meaningful, am I adding to internet clutter, do I want to spend my time doing this, etc. I guess I could just keep it up and blog like once in a blue moon, which is pretty much what I’m doing now.