Every year I decide to delete my blog.
I might just do it this year. I go through all these questions in my head about why am I blogging, what does it matter, is it meaningful, am I adding to internet clutter, do I want to spend my time doing this, etc. I guess I could just keep it up and blog like once in a blue moon, which is pretty much what I’m doing now.
I’ve been knitting a lot recently. It’s been so hot lately, too hot to sew in my studio even if I had enough time for that. Knitting has been the perfect go-to craft for me. I recently made this sweater and hat for a new baby friend, Soren. Wyeth was a good sport and modeled for me.
I’ve got so many projects in my head! But I’ll just tell you the ones I’m actually working on: a sweater inspired by the one in Hugo (google “Hugo movie sweater”) and a pair of booties. I’ve got yarn for more projects. Actually, I went to the yarn store three times in one week. WHAAAT? I’m kind of knitting feverish right now. It’s fun.
For more info on this project check out ravelry where I store that handy information.
This is probably the longest post I’ve ever written. As you know by now, I don’t really get personal up in this blog and in general, not so much in person either. But I recently shared this story with a very large group of midwives, doulas and caregivers so that they would be able to help other women who find themselves in my situation. And so I’m sharing it with you, too. Here’s my birth and breastfeeding story, it’s lengthy and it’s all true.
I entered the hospital when I was 12 days overdue with Wyeth. He didn’t drop down, as babies do, and I never experienced any Braxton-Hicks. On a Monday evening, I was given a pill (inserted down below) for cervical ripening. Early Tuesday morning I was induced (aka given a lot of drugs). I was in labor for 25 hours. I pushed for around five hours, the cold sleepy hours of Wednesday early morning. The baby was head down but sideways. He crowned but we could not move him into the right position. I was rushed in the OR and had a C-section exactly 14 days past the due date, Wednesday morning. After he was measured, we found out that I wouldn’t have been able to deliver him vaginally anyway because his head was 15” around. That would’ve been nice to know before being induced.
The same day of birth I was given a nipple shield because the nurses determined Wyeth had a recessed chin (he doesn’t). The shield was to help with getting a good latch. While in the hospital, I started feeding him with a tube and syringe full of formula because we were told that he lost too much weight and I wasn’t providing enough colostrum.
My milk took a long time to come in. I never experienced engorgement like the books say. I began pumping 4-6 times a day in order to encourage my milk supply, which was low. It was about four weeks before I had enough milk to feed him without supplement. I stopped using the shield because it actually made latching more difficult. So: 3 ½ weeks of feeding with tube, nipple shield, and syringe full of formula and pumped milk. Every two hours for 45 minutes. For 3 ½ weeks while recovering from surgery. By four weeks I was able to feed him on my own.
I saw a hospital lactation consultant several times over the course of four weeks. We worked on latch and positioning. But feeding was painful. Wyeth constantly arched his back and twisted his head, especially on my right side. My nipples were always sore, I had shooting breast pain, I would start to cry almost every time I fed him because it was so painful. He’s was gaining weight like a champ, so I felt encouraged to keep trying.
I nursed over 420 times in pain.
At six weeks I contacted the amazing lactation consultant, Doris, who came to my house. She showed me how to work with Wyeth’s arching. No more of the strict lining up of body parts like my other LC showed me, which was so difficult to manage. But even with her help I was still in pain. She suggested a craniosacral therapist. I was very skeptical, especially since I’d never heard of CS before. But you know, I was about to give up. I told myself I would give this two more weeks and try therapy for Wyeth.
The reason Doris suggested CS therapy is because she thought that Wyeth had really tight muscles in his neck that were keeping him from relaxing, exacerbating his arching and keeping his mouth from opening wide enough. Even though he could turn his head to the left, he mainly kept it to the right.
I called the therapist and she came that day and worked her magic on Wyeth. Within 24 hours, feeding was better. Less pain. By 8 weeks, my cut off point, I was in almost no pain. We’ve seen the therapist several times over the past few weeks and she has helped enormously. Wyeth’s muscles have loosened up and I can feed him painlessly now. PAINLESSLY. As in, no pain.
Every day I give Wyeth some light massage on his neck and shoulder muscles to help keep them loose. He can easily look all the way around, drop his head, and hold his head up. I don’t worry about lining him up and getting the perfect latch any more. We go with what feels natural and good for both of us.
The biggest thing I’ve developed since giving birth, besides my boobs, is determination. I don’t feel like I did this to be some kind of super mom. This was one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done both for myself and someone else. I just wanted to be able to nurse my baby without pain.
And now I can.